Unless you’ve been holed up on the Applachian Trail for the past week you could not have missed the biggest business news story since the invention of sliced bread. Last Friday the King Kong of online retail, Amazon announced it will be buying the Godzilla of Natural and Organic foods, Whole Foods Markets for 13.7 billion in cash. To put 13.7 billion into perspective, it’s like stacking every American’s Whole Paycheck on top of each other. This stack of Whole Paychecks would reach the Singularity, Jeff Bezos’ Amazon Prime!
Forget about buying your food at a supermarket, soon your almond milk and kale will come showering down from the cloud. But trust me, you can look at clouds from both sides now but beware of their illusions, cause you really don’t know clouds and the huge amount of information lurking in them-about YOU and ME! I am both an Amazon Prime subscriber as well as a Whole Foods Benefits member. I shell out money for the privilege of discounts and other goodies. The two companies gladly pocket my yearly fee and collect lots and lots of data on me and my shopping habits.
Whole Foods CEO, John Mackey stated that he and Bezos fell heads over heals for each other, it was a bro-mance made in the clouds. Mackey also said that he dreamed of merging Whole Foods and Amazon over a year ago. Sugar-free Sweet Dreams are made of this! But really, who am I to disagree with these two titans of industry? I started to computer-rack my brain to understand the ramifications of such a deal. Then somebody spoke and I went into a dream…
Me: Alexa, new Whole Foods order.
Alexa: Ready.
Me: Organic salted peanuts.
Alexa: Original Salt Peanuts from Dizzy Gillespie’s Greatest Hits. Check.
Me: No! Cancel!
Alexa: Cancel the order or the song?
Me: Cancel the whole order.
Alexa: Check. Order Cancelled. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Me: Alexa, new Whole Foods order.
Alexa: Ready.
Me: Organic salted peanuts.
Alexa: Organic salted peanuts, check. According to your medical records you should be restricting or avoiding foods with high sodium content. May I suggest unsalted peanuts?
Me: No. Salted peanuts!
Alexa: No-salted peanuts?
Me: Alexa, cancel order!
Alexa: Check. Order Cancelled. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Me: Alexa, new Whole Foods order.
Alexa: Ready.
Me: Dinner suggestions from prepared foods department.
Alexa: OK. Searching your recent history on AmazonPrime, you recently viewed The Godfather. May I suggest a meal from our prepared foods department based on this movie?
Me: Alexa, yes.
Alexa: OK. How about Pan seared Branzino in a lemon, caper and mushroom reduction sauce? It is a low-fat and low-sodium preparation but does have added sugar. According to your last blood test on file by Dr. Horowitz, your A-1c sugar value was in the high range at 7.9, which indicates you should not consume more than 4 ounces of this fish at any one sitting. Would you still want to order the Pan seared Branzino?
Me: Perfect! Two pounds of Pan seared Branzino!
Alexa: Check. People who ordered the Branzino also ordered the Sicilian Chianti which was a favorite of Don Corleone.
Me: yes, one bottle of Don Corleone Sicillian Chianti.
The longer I talked with Alexa the more I ordered. At first it was like I was being nudged and coaxed by my sweet mother but abruptly the dream cloud parted and I saw Big Brother Bezos and his Holding Company lurking as the man behind the curtain.
The dream had become a nightmare and I jumped out of bed with sweat dripping off my forehead like rain, and my heart racing wildly. I dashed downstairs to my computer and ordered a bottle of stress reducing capsules from Amazon Prime.
Richie Gerber, Whole Foods Markets Florida Region Vice-President (Retired), was an Organic Farmer in Maine back in the 70s. Richie co-owned the Bread of Life Natural Foods Supermarkets in Florida and merged with Whole Foods Markets in 1997. Richie’s latest project is his book JAZZ: America’s Gift ~ From Its Birth to George Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue & Beyond which was named to Kirkus Reviews’ Best Books of 2015. For more information visit his website: https://jazzamericasgift.com
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